with blogger. OH the Horror!

But actually I did start a more grown up, less rambling more focused blog

check it out

http://ayearofputtingmyselfoutthere.blogspot.com/

I bought smaller jeans!!!!

Again!!! Smaller than the ones I bought in October! And way smaller than the ones I bought last March! Guys!!!!!!!!!!


I feel all sexy or what not, it's very strange, but I'm so excited and I want to keep going, and keep getting in better shape!! :) Woot

Wow, once again it has been a really long time since I updated. Things are still going really well at work, and we are 10, count 'em 10 days out from the Olympics :) I am so excited to be working on them again. Feeling the ache to actually be there, but this is still much much better than watching Beijing from my couch. I'm not sure how much of the games I'll actually get to watch for entertainment and enjoyment purposes but I'll certainly be watching as many sports as possible and feeds and runs and practices and all that at work, so that alone is really exciting. This was a good decision.


I also got a trainer, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that whole situation though. On the one hand it's nice to have someone who explains to me how things work and why I'm losing inches but not weight and how to shape the parts I want to shape and strengthen the parts I want to strengthen (my god he has been doing wonders for my poor right ankle, it's getting stronger but it still has a long way to go) but on the other hand, he doesn't seem to understand I cannot afford both monetarily and time-wise to meet with him more than once a week. And even that is a bit more than I prolly should be spending a month, but it seems to be helping. He also doesn't seem to get that this isn't my first round at the gym, this isn't a new years thing and I'm doing this because yes I put weight back on post Kristen's wedding and I needed to do something to get myself back on track. I took off like 48lbs before the wedding and put back on like 10-15 in the last 2 months of 2009. So I've gotten most of that back off (like 3 more lbs to go and I'm back down to wedding weight) but like I'd like to get off 30 more and then just maintain. I don't want to be stick thin, that was never in the cards anyway, I like my curves, though right now I'm turning out waaaaay more hour-glass than I would like, I'm hoping to start losing more in the waste, belly area again soon. I had to explain to my trainer today that I just don't see my ahem chest ahem getting really any smaller, LOL.

I'm starting to wonder about things like...dating?...boyfriends?...more to life than just getting those emmy's?... But I'm still not so willing to put myself out there just yet. I know that online dating has worked wonders for some people, a lot of my friends have found people that way, some of them are now married, some are now engaged others had great long term things that eventually ended but they had fun while it lasted. But, honestly I just sort of still want things to happen naturally. Does this mean I suddenly want to be in a relationship? Not necessarily. Does this mean that I'm suddenly going to start actively looking for that other person, not necessarily. It does mean though that I'm going to be a little more open to the idea of a relationship and maybe won't go running scared if there is an opportunity. Shrugs... who knows.


I'm also thinking once again of starting a "real" blog. A little more focused, a lot more updated. LOL this probably is less likely than me dating LOL.

Let's see what else is going on. Not much really. This is more of hi! I'm still here type of post.

Shrugs.

Dear livejournal, your new pop ups/full page ads are ridic

that is all.

Hello!

God it has been far too long.

Lots has transpired since I last updated. Where to begin.

1) Kristen got married! Seriously the most beautiful bride I have ever seen, she was just glowing all day! It was soooo good to see her, and the rest of my Horseheads Chicas, I miss them like crazy! It is really hard to be so far away. I'm sure you've all seen pics on FB and if not I highly recommend them, because it was just a beautiful event. :) So congrast to Kristen and Charles.

2) I finally put CA plates on my car. I was sad to do it, and now I also can't drive like a NYer... because my car just looks like everyone else's.... and now I can't even make the I'm in the wrong lane/I'm lost because I'm from New York excuse... oh well. But I guess it was time to grow up and accept that I do in fact live here... also I wouldn't have had car insurance if I hadn't so... you know.













3) I left Dr. Phil.



4) Today I started my job as the Associate News Producer for Universal Sports... news + Olympic sports= dream job :) I'm not heading to Vancouver but I'm not watching the Olympics on my couch either, and I'm staying in LA for however long this job runs... I can't even tell you how excited I am, I can't wait for things to really get under way. :) And I found a job that will actually get me to where I want to go professionally and keep me in LA until I'm sick of this city.


I love my job, I love LA and the first time in a really really long time, I am truly happy :)

Dude you guys... I've lost 45lbs... :) 5lbs to get off before Kristen's wedding in 3 weeks, but damn I'm so excited!


25 more to go by the time I come home for xmas.


It wasn't super easy, but if I had known that it wasn't going to be that hard, I would have done this years ago

This came out in 2004 EPIC 2015

This is what it said about the near future (this was fiction)

"In 2005, Microsoft buys Friendster in response to Google's action. Apple Computer comes out with WifiPod, which allows users to "send and receive messages on the go". Then, Google unveils the Google Grid, a universal platform offering an unlimited amount of space and bandwidth that can be used to store anything. It allows users to manage their information two ways: store it privately or publish it to the entire grid."


This is being released tomorrow to beta testers Google Wave

And Apple already has a WiFi Ipod...

dude Google will own us!

Co-Worker: (in response to applicant who says she can't meet with her because of colorguard practice) I mean really what is colorguard? Like How many hours a day can you spend spinning a flag and marching around?
Me: 8.5 hours a day for a whole week? 3 hours a night 3 times a week and all day on Saturday?
Co-Worker: Oh...

hahah

First off I must have this- Sparkling Water Maker Sparkling Water Maker

I'm addicted to these- Snapea Crisps

Megs just suggested these- Sandwich Thins

And I just found a recipe for Egg Plant Burgers I'm sooooooo excited to try!


Also...


I lost 21 lbs! :)

For starters anyone looking for new music, that's actually done by musically talented people, and with an album that will make you feel try Rise and Fall by the Kin. This is one of those little random bands that we came across one night who came on after the band we went to see (I LOVE LOS ANGELES)

also check out the Rescues (anyone who has been watching Lifetime or any of those channels owned by the same company should have seen promos for "Drop Dead Diva" have already heard one of their best songs, Break Me Out) who another band we accidently fell in love with because they were on after another band we went to see.


So enough music babble, I just figured I'd share cause the Kin came on my itunes when I stared this entry.


Things have been such and up and down and back up and back down and back up since we last talked. I have had so much time to think and reflect and come back to myself. Hiatus has been good for me.

Hiatus has remind me that while not everything was/is perfect at work, I'm 24 and it's not supposed to be. The fact of the matter is even at it's hardest and even on the longest days, and the days where I didn't think I could get through it, even after all the 5 am mornings... it was still TV. I could/can say I get up every morning and I get to do exactly what I said I was going to do. I get to go to work and make TV. How many people can say that they get up and do what they always said they'd do? In good times, not many. In this recession, even less. So while it's an imperfect situation, I'll take it. I'm working in casting for a CMT show at the moment, I head back to work in just 2 more weeks. I'm really really really looking forward to it.

My poor car is starting to be a lot less reliable than it was supposed to be. I actually went car shopping last weekend because I almost can't take it anymore. I'm not buying anytime real soon, but it might be time soon. (more than a down payment went into my damn car arg! and all right before hiatus! ) Not that I want all those people to loose their jobs and stuff, but dear God can I see why GM is going under. I was told that I had the "East Coast Version" of my car, and parts were more expensive and harder to get in CA. Now before you go and say that I was getting ripped off at my mechanic, I took the car to 5 different mechanics and all told me the same thing, and so did the guy at the car dealership, who told me he wouldn't sell me a GM car if I paid him double, so... good to know. BUT LIKE WTF???? And THIS is the company we are bailing out.

Although that being said Kristie you've had baby for how long now??? Guess it's hit or miss, but I had a big miss and I'm going with foreign cars from now on.

That hurts my head. I'm stating to get to the point in my life/career where I have to start make the decisions that effect the rest of my life. I know so badly what I want, but I'm afraid I don't know how to get it. I know step 1 is get self to NYC. But after doing LA with no money and no plan I don't want to do NYC the same way, and I just don't ever know if I'll feel like I'm ready to back my bags up and move bag. I know I keep telling other people and myself that our generation is the CAN DO generation and what is done CAN in fact be UNdone. So I know I CAN move back, but it's a matter of it and when. At what point am I wasting my time in LA? How many Olympics have to pass before I really get depressed that I'm watching them happen from my couch and NOT back stage or the control room?

The problem with having done the Olympics and having that perfect control room moment at the end of it is I'll spend my whole career chasing the feeling, and I'm afraid I won't get it till I get back there. I'm afraid I may never have it again. I know I'm lucky for having it all, some people work in this industry for years and always wonder or never have that feeling that one perfect moment that makes you realize that THIS is in fact what you are supposed to be doing. So while it was a blessing and the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, it's kind of a curse, because I'll be chasing it forever.


A lot has changed since we've last talked too. Josh left for law school in CT. Pat and Luis are off to San Diego in a couple of weeks, and while I know that people can visit and things can change, it's very strange. Josh gave a speech at his going away party and it was like one of those things where it was like wow, this really is home, we really did make this home, and we all built this little family out here, and while a lot of people part ways after college, Ithaca people don't seem to do that.

It's one of the reason I chose Ithaca. I was told about the great alumni association the need to take care of each other and when it happened I wasn't surprised, but what no ever talked about was that time after right after college, 3 years down the road when the big decision have to be start being made. What happens after after college? College was 3 years ago at this point and we have entered in to the 4th year post college, now what? Our lives up until this point have always had an end date. The end of elementary school, went to middle school for 2 years, then 4 years of HS, then 4 years of college, and then maybe for some 2 years of grad school.

But what is the strange thing we call our 20's what happens after May 2010? It makes me wonder, it's so bizarre and oddly liberating. I HAVE to make the decisions now, there is no absolute next step, there is nothing that necessarily comes next. This is the part that's up to me. And I wonder, I feel like 2010 is this big red number that I have to make my next move/decision in.

Do I stay in LA and try to find a job that will help me reach my ultimate goals? Do I move to NYC to start the process to ultimately achieve them? Are these two things mutually exclusive? Can I reach my goals by staying in LA. I know I'm not wasting my time here, I know I'm having a blast, I know that what I'm doing out here is getting me on the right path to reaching my goals, but I wonder is it enough? Who knows.

I'm worried that I've become just like all those kids who graduated from IC and were going to move to LA and haven't because they never felt like they could afford it or never felt like they were ready. What if that's me in LA? I'm afraid I'll get comfortable here and I'll adjust and I won't ever leave. I'm afraid to move to NYC without money or a plan like I did when I moved to LA. But what happens if I never move? I think I just have to make the decision and do it.

Which is to bad, because I LOVE THIS CITY! I love this city in ways I never thought possible. I love that THIS IS MY HOME. I made it my home, I've built my support system out here, I love that I had to find an apartment and find a job and be an adult. I became and adult here, I started to build the foundation for whoever the hell it is I'm going to be. Leaving LA whenever I may do it, might even be harder than leaving Ithaca and Horseheads on some levels.

Anyhoo what else?

I'm going to the gym, I'm back on my eating healthy/less kick. I'm seeing results. I just need to keep it up to get to my goal weight and then just work on maintaining it. I can't believe how bad I had let myself go. I have been wondering about how that happened though. Since HS, and more so in college I kind remember having yo yo dieting and having kind of weird relationships with food. I'm not really sure where these things came from, but I'm sure it contributed to my soon to be not so current, current state.

I remember eating dinner as a kid and my parents not saying no to a second helping of whatever, I remember at times sometimes I'd eat so much of something and for some reason we all thought it was funny. I remember taking dance with much skinnier girls and while not really being a fat kid I was a bit chubbier, then I got boobs, and dear God did I get a lot of boobs, and that made me waaaay more self conscious about my self image. I remember in college I would eat whatever the hell I wanted some weeks because I assumed that since I had to walk up and down that hill everyday it didn't matter, I also remember putting on more than the freshmen 15. I remember other weeks I'd eat one meal a day for whatever reason, and that ranged from I was busy to I don't need to eat. I remember sophomore year ordering DP dough with Rachelle and Tori at 3 am because why not. I remember eating only lettuce and chicken after going to the gym AND swimming. I remember junior year Rachelle and I would drive to Mano's at 3 in the morning to eat whatever we wanted because it didn't matter as long as we were "studying". I also remember a few times Junior year being able to tell you what I ate on one hand for a whole a week. Senior year was more of the same as junior year, except Pete worked at Papa Johns and so when we were broke and working on our Workshop Project till all hours we got free pizza. And various other memories of those two years. And also senior year I could tell you everything ate of every day of the last six weeks, I also remember going to the gym AND swimming to make sure I'd burn it all off, then going with Rachelle to get Mano's...and then I came to LA and despite a town that judges so harshly on how you look, I ate my feelings, and I had a lot of feelings since I've been in LA. (although actually being heavy has made me work a lot harder because I know I'm not being hired because I'm the hot girl, I'm actually hired for my skills and talent)



I realize now I have to change my way of thinking about food and fitness. I'm not naturally a "fat" person. I used to take dance and play softball and do marching band/colorguard, and I used to go roller blading and be while maybe not a start athlete, at least somewhat athletic. I used to be chubby, I am now okay with chubby, I want nothing more than to be a size 8 and be in shape, but still have CURVES. So In the last year or so I have tried to make a change, I've failed some times and other times I have triumphed. I'm not on a diet, I'm on a lifestyle change (again) I have decided that by changing my body in healthy and productive ways, I will begin to undo some of the damage of done to myself in 4 years of college and probably years and years before that. Food is not the enemy, food is nourishment, and if used properly as that nourishment it can do amazing things.

So I'm eating better and working out to be healthier person in general, emotionally and physically. Also I want to look hot (but not as hot as her) at Kristen's wedding!


So that was looooonger than I intended it to be. It is now after midnight, but I have had a lot of thoughts in my head recently and I needed to get them out.

So let's hope I post again soon and not a full page of randomness.


LOVE YOU ALL!